Unusual Positions
I’ve figured out that the only way I can enjoy sex is if I do it someplace unusual. Not like on a pedestrian bridge over the Interstate, just anywhere outside of the bedroom. This can range from the innocent (my apartment’s balcony), to the guilt-ridden (a dark antechamber in the National Cathedral).
Typically, though, I pick mundane spots. Here’s a list!
- My supervisor’s bed
- My supervisor’s desk (this is a common one – I’ve done it at every job except for a summer job in 1991 at the textbook depository in Rockville, MD)
- Women’s bathroom stall at the Hyatt in Bethesda (New Year’s madness!)
- In the old vault deep in the basement of the mansion where I work on the weekends, during a 200 person event.
- In the middle of a well lit alley in Silver Spring (at 1am)
- In various chapels and churches in rural Maryland, New Mexico, Ohio, West Virginia, and Scotland.
- In the middle of a major highway at 3am on Christmas morning (as pedestrians).
- The Lincoln Memorial (pre-9/11 and, again, in the early hours of the morning)
- The old vault in the basement of the Woodward Building on 15th street, at lunchtime
- The “drunk seat” at the rear of the car on the Metro’s Red Line and the Green Line
- Bathroom at National airport
- Bathroom at Newark International
- Along Hadrian’s Wall (two miles from Housesteads), and again a mile from the wall hiking from Brampton, in the graveyard of Lanercost Abbey (which is well worth a visit, by the way)
- In the bride’s room, on the make-up table, at my weekend job, 30 minutes before the bride arrived
My current goal is to have anal sex with a nun on a school bus full of children. At least, that’s what I dreamed last night after polishing off two bottles of wine. I’ve learned not to trust such dreams but, because I’m at my weekend job and dangerously bored, I’m going to dwell on it.